Hi there Aunt Vadge,
My boyfriend fingers me and it used to feel really good. I would get to a point where I would go crazy, and now the past two times it really hurts, and doesn’t feel good, and I don’t feel turned on at all. And he isn’t doing anything different. It burns after also.
Sincerely,
Burning
_____
Dear Burning,
Our moods, hormones and feelings change over the course of our days, and are tempered by our menstrual cycles and life goings-ons. This means that what felt good last week can feel boring, pointless, numb, or annoying this week. We just don’t feel the same all the time. It sounds like you’re experiencing a normal fluctuation in your ability and desire to ‘go crazy’.
This is a surprise for many of us, as we develop our sexual tastes, so what’s important to take from this is that your body sometimes wants more or different – or no – stimulation.
Sex sometimes doesn’t work. This is completely ok.
While your boyfriend may feel the same level of libido and ability to become turned on a lot of the time, there will still be times where his body just doesn’t feel like being touched – this happens to everyone at certain points, but can happen to you more because your hormones fluctuate.
For this reason, it pays to know where you’re at in your cycle, and can pinpoint dips and peaks in your hormones that could cause you to feel more or less interested in being fingered.
Being fingered when you are not horny could easily result in you feeling pain or burning, since you are not turned on, and your vagina responds differently.
As a basic guide, you are going to feel more sexual while you are ovulating, and less so immediately after your period (usually), since these are your hormonal peaks and lows.
The best thing to do if you don’t feel like being sexual or the way you are being touched isn’t working very well, is just stop. Try again another time.
You’ll get to know your own body over time, and be more able to predict – or coerce – it into doing your bidding, but mostly, you just need to learn how to listen to it.
Don’t do things that don’t feel good just because you thought it was supposed to be good, since it was last time. You’ll figure it out!
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
