Aunt Vadge: masturbating with an ice cube has caused me pain in my legs and stomach

Dear Aunt Vadge,

I a 26-year-old unmarried virgin. I started masturbating when I was approximately 18 using running tap water. I was totally ignorant about the clitoris and its importance. I used to masturbate about every two to three weeks.

One day, I was masturbating with a ice cube. When I rubbed it on my clit, it hurts and I stopped. I pressed a tissue paper onto my clitoris, and there was a tiny amount of blood. After some days it stopped hurting. I looked at my clit in the mirror, and I recognized that there was a small piece of dot-like skin hanging next to my clit. I think that is the glans of the clit.

I stopped masturbating then for two to three years. But recently I started masturbating using the same technique, and I noticed that the skin comes out from the hood. I think I can feel the shaft a bit where the labia minora joins with the clit. The last masturbation caused pain in my stomach and leg, and also pinching the clit. It also causes discomfort when I walk. I also have a old tear on left side of labia minora which is healed now.

After the last masturbation I got scared and started researching in the internet and came to know about the importance of clit. I have found your website and started following your advice by using warm water and vegetable oil. I took a painkiller and now fortunately the pain is gone.

I am now in a great depression and can’t lead a normal life for the last 25 days. Please tell me, will this hamper my future married life? What can I do to solve the problem? Please answer me as soon as possible. I can’t share this with anybody. This guilty feeling will kill me. I need help…

Yours sincerely,
Ice Cube
Age: 26 
Country: Bangladesh
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Dear Ice Cube,

Thanks for writing. It can be really frightening when you hurt yourself, especially when you hurt yourself doing something as private as masturbating!

I’m not sure exactly what is happening to your vagina and clitoris, but I would suggest you stop masturbating with ice cubes if you haven’t already. It may be causing referred nerve pain, which could explain why your legs and stomach hurt. The ice cube could be a bit hard/rough for the clitoris, though it’s hard to tell what has happened exactly.

Minor cuts and tears can be encouraged to heal well with a vulva and vagina-friendly cuts cream.

You are not guilty of anything – masturbating is really awesome, and women who masturbate make better lovers! It’s great to touch yourself and learn what you like. Many women never do that, and spend their lives faking orgasms and not enjoying sex.

That is not to say, obviously, that only women who masturbate have good sex and have orgasms, but it sure helps. Getting to know your body is essential in this life – it is full of delicious secrets. I doubt very much that you have hurt yourself permanently, so you can relax, and get on with healing, then figuring out new and fun ways to masturbate.

Healing your clitoris and clitoral hood

Keep the area clean and don’t touch it too much. The vegetable oil is a good idea. Make sure there are no foreign particles up your clitoral hood, like pubic hair or tissue paper (it can be very irritating). Don’t touch your clitoris until it is fully healed and be really careful when inspecting it.

Remember that damage to your body and pain in your stomach and legs isn’t a normal response to masturbating, so if your clitoris is swollen, infected, has weird bits of skin hanging off or around it, you need to go and see the doctor because you might have an infection. You don’t, however, need to tell them what happened if you are too embarrassed. You could say that you hurt yourself by mistake.

New masturbating techniques

Then, try out some new masturbating techniques! There are many ways to get yourself off, and while it can be satisfying to go to old reliable ice cube/running water, insist on learning some new techniques that you like even more. Use a small amount of lube when you touch yourself (or vegetable oil), and be really gentle. Try techniques that don’t thrash your skin or clitoris around too much.

You could use HappyPlayTime or OMGYES, online apps for helping women to masturbate.

Moving on

If it seems like your clitoris and labia will heal with no harm done, then all good – just ditch the guilt, and start learning better ways to get your rocks off! It will not affect your future married life if you heal up without incident, and even if there was another problem involved, it is not insurmountable.

Your husband will just be happy to be having sex with you, and there are many ways to have sex! Even people in wheelchairs can have good sex.

You will be just fine.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge