Communication is the key to being a good lover. Talk about what feels good and what feels weird. You’ll both get more good stuff then!
It can feel really awkward to talk about sex while you’re doing it, or trying to do it, but you have to. Just say it. Say it feels good when it feels good, and if you don’t like it, ask them to do something else that you do like.
Moan. Be outrageous. Be ridiculous. Be kind.
Things you can say when you like it, so the other person knows you like it
- That feels really good!
- Oh yeah
- I love it when you do that thing
- What is that you are doing? It feels really good
Things you can say when you don’t like it, so the other person knows you don’t like it/does something else without feeling embarrassed
- That feels weird! But…(Then laugh nicely and move on to Number 2)
- Can you do that thing I liked again?
- Why don’t I do [xyz] to you?
- When you do [xyz] it hurts, so can you try doing it softer?
- If you are more gentle/faster/slower/harder/softer, I get much, much more turned on
And laugh! Sex is meant to be fun. We’re all clumsy fools and we do the absolute worst-feeling stuff to each other when we are poking around at each other’s bodies.
Being a good lover means listening, watching body language cues, and being interested in the person, not just the body. (Listen to Dan Savage’s podcasts about how to not be weird about sex – listen every week and take notes.)