The most common things that go wrong during sex are:

  1. The woman not being properly turned on before the penis penetrates her vagina
  2. The penis not being erect enough/the man is not turn on enough
  3. Pain or discomfort from being on a funny angle
  4. Pain or discomfort from dryness
  5. The penis slipping out of the vagina and into the anus which is excruciating and should be avoided at all costs

But wait, there’s more!

     Doing it for too long

Don’t keep having sex for long periods of time. There is this myth that the longer guys can go, the better, but it’s just not true. A woman who likes being fucked for hours on end is a rarity. The best sexual experiences aren’t that long, maybe between 10 minutes to half an hour, and most of that is not penetration.

Warm the vagina (and woman) up properly, and you’ll only need to put a penis into it for mere minutes before she orgasms. Get the fooling around right, and sex is actually pretty short – and sweet. This also relates to how nerve endings work – when nerve endings get used to a sensation, they stop firing, so the feeling just goes away. Don’t waste nerve endings. Tease and tickle them and then go in for the orgasmic kill.

     Premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction

Sometimes penises don’t work as advertised, which is completely normal and commonplace. If a guy is nervous, he may not be able to get an erection, and he is much more likely to ejaculate prematurely. ‘Prematurely’ means before he wants to and the sexual occasion is over with, i.e. when the woman has also orgasmed and everyone is happy.

Erectile dysfunction – where a penis can’t get fully erect – can happen anytime to anyone. It’s not a big deal, and it’s best to do another activity and see if it resolves on its own, or to stop sex altogether and try again later. If it keeps happening, there is another problem that needs addressing. These problems are possibly physical and he should be examined by a doctor, could be related to porn brain (too much porn changing the neurological pathways so more stimulation than ‘regular’ sex can provide is required for physical arousal), or be vascular in nature.

Porn brain is common amongst the younger generation who have grown up on high-stimulus porn that has raised the brain’s arousal expectations way beyond what a real person is able to offer. It is reversible with a bit of effort and quitting porn, forever.

Generally speaking, premature ejaculation is a nervous problem, while erectile dysfunction is either a vascular issue or a psychological problem. Male sexual desire and hormone levels may also play a role and should be investigated.

     ‘Queefs’ – vaginal ‘farts’

These happen when the penis pulls out far enough to allow air to get sucked into the vaginal cavity, and then when the penis goes back in, the air ‘farts’ its way back out. It can also happen after the penis pulls out completely, and also is more prone to occurring during doggy style, as the air can get sucked in more easily. It is not a fart from the butt, and won’t smell. This is funny, so laugh, and keep fucking.

    Mismatched sized vagina and penis

Vaginas can be small, medium or large sized, and penises also come in all manner of shapes and sizes, small, long, fat, skinny. This means that if you have, for example, a woman with a small vagina and a man with a large penis trying to have penetrative sex, they are going to run into problems. This also applies to men with small penises and women with large vaginas, and any of the combinations in between that don’t quite fit together as well as they might.

It isn’t that small penises are ‘bad’, just that if a woman needs to be deeply penetrated to get off, a small penis may need to be accompanied by a large sex toy or other deeply-penetrating objects (hands, etc.). Conversely, if a man with a big penis keeps hitting his lover’s cervix, causing her pain, they may need to both get really good at oral sex, handjobs, and using sex toys.

It is not mean or selfish or shallow to prefer to be matched with a size that suits your penis or vagina the best, but there are ways around it if you find yourself madly in love with someone with a genital mismatch for you, and that usually means finding satisfying new ways to get each other off.

Good sex is really important for a healthy and happy relationship and life, so if you find that sex with your partner isn’t as satisfying as you would like due to a mismatch in genitals, try to improve and alter what you are doing so you can take your differences into account – get better at other things. Don’t flog a dead horse endlessly with unsatisfying sex.

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